What God did

Becuase the Lord is Compassionate

He replaced our grief with Joy

Because the Lord is Merciful

He Blessed our marriage with a strong and healthy baby

Becuase the Lord is Gracious

He gives so much more than we ever deserve

Becuase the Lord is Faithful

our Trust is in the Lord

Blessed be His Name!!

To our sweet baby in heaven

Dear one~

Though we never got to meet you, we are so sad to lose you. We miss hearing your heartbeat, beating fast and strong. We miss your sweet sounds while you sleep. We're sad we never got to hold your warm body and stroke your silky hair.

There are so many things about you we wish we could have known. Were you a girl or boy? Were you easy going or strong willed? We're sad we never got a chance to see you grow up. We wish we could have known your likes and dislikes.

The confirmation that you were on the way was a complete surprise! We were looking forward to having a child, we just thought that it wouldn't happen for another year. But as soon as we knew you were growing in your mama's belly, we couldn't be happier! Not once did we ever wish for your tiny life to stop growing and flourishing.

For 10 weeks, we and others prayed for you to be safe and healthy and tried to do all we could to protect you. We counted the weeks and tried to keep track of your development. You grew so fast and changed so much in such a short amount of time! The loving hand of your Perfect Heavenly Father carefully knit your tiny body together.

Sweet Babe, we don't know why things changed. We don't know why your Master Craftsman didn't continue to build you in your mother's womb. It is so easy to wish things were different. So easy to wonder if we could have done something to protect you or wonder if we missed something important that you needed. It is hard to not let guilt creep in...because we desired so much to love you, nurture you, and care for you. But we have realized that even if we dedicated all our energy to give you a perfect home, there would always be imperfections because your parents are imperfect. Despite all our attempts we would still fail.

So we believe, out of God's graciousness, He decided to give you a perfect home. Not a cabin or a camper or a house, but a mansion in Heaven. There with our loved ones who have already arrived. There where there is no sickness, or crying or pain. You will never have to experience these. And though we are sad and cry because of all we have lost, we rejoice over the love, joy and peace you are now experiencing. We love you, sweet one, and are excited to meet you in Heaven.

So much love~
Dad and Mom

A perspective on age by Don Piper

Those who die before the age of accountability will be taken care of by the loving and compassionate Savior who died for them.

I am certain that children/babies who died before they accepted or rejected Christ are in Heaven, But I am not certain that they will remain children or babies in Heaven. Adam and Eve were never babies. It is my further belief that if Adam or Eve had never fallen and been cast from the Garden, they would have never aged. Birth, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and death are earthly manifestations. Since there is no aging in Heaven, there are probably not any humans that we would call babies or children there either. There is simply no age. We will all be ageless. I believe that humans in Heaven will be fully developed, yet ageless. We were created in the image of God (Gen 1:27) in order to have a relationship with Him.

Babies are wonderful creatures indeed, but a relationship with them is decidedly one- sided. The exciting fact is that in heaven we will know as we are known. So that even though there will not necessarily be babies or children in heaven, we will know those who died as babies or children on earth as the fully developed humans in heaven. All the times that were missed by their apparent premature departure from earth, will be forgotten in Heaven, replaced by eternal fellowship.

copied from: http://www.donpiperministries.com/faqs.asp

Don Piper is the author of 90 Minutes in Heaven - a True Story of Death and Life

5 things I hate

Something unexpected came with my miscarriage. Though each woman deals with grief differently, I now have an understanding of what it feels like: emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. It's not a "oh yes, I've been there too" comradely. It is an horrible ache. A deep grief. I hate for others to see the first sign of concern. I hate for others to walk through the unknowing stage. I hate for others to Know there is no hope for saving the baby they dreamed about. I hate knowing it is over and there is nothing left to fight for, hope for. I hate when all the questions of "what could I have done?" come pouring over you.

Each woman deals with grief differently. I have always been the kind that needs a lot of tissues. But now my tears are only partially for own grief, it is for my family member's loss, for my friend's loss, for their hope that was replaced with pain. I hope my tears help carry their pain.

I pray the Healer of both body and soul, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christs, will bring comfort as you mourn, bring healing for your broken heart, and replace your tears with Hope + Gladness.

Results of my study on verses containing "womb"

1- God is the one who opens and closes the womb:

Gen 30:22 And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

1Sa 1:6 And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb.

2- Children are given as a blessing:

Gen 49:25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:

Deu 7:13 And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb...

Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

3- God’s knowledge is far beyond ours:

Ecc 11:5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.

Rom 11:33,34 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counselor?

4- God is the one who knits a baby together:

Psa 139:13-16 For thou hast possessed my [organs]: thou hast covered me in my

mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous

are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from

thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

Isa 44:24 Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and he that formed thee from the womb, I am the LORD that maketh all things; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone; that spreadeth abroad the earth by myself;

5- A baby who dies is spared continued pain and suffering in life:

Jer 20:17 Because he slew me not from the womb; or that my mother might have been my grave, and her womb to be always great with me. Wherefore came I forth out of the womb to see labor and sorrow, that my days should be consumed with shame?

6- God deserves our praise:

Psa 22:9, 10 But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts. I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly.

Psa 71:6 By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.

7- God gives us a name before we are born:

Isa 49:1 …The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name.

8- God has a plan for us before birth:

Jer 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee…

Gal 1:15, 16 But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and

called me by his grace, To reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him among the

heathen…

9- God’s care has no end:

Isa 49:5 And now, saith the LORD that formed me from the womb to be his servant, …[I shall be] glorious in the eyes of the LORD, and my God shall be my strength.

Isa 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

10- God compares Himself to a mother:

Isa 66:13,14 As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you… And when ye

see this, your heart shall rejoice…

My Story

It took 2 pregnancy tests to prove what I already knew: I was pregnant! Our excitement was immediate and very deep. Less than a week of finding out, my husband John and I drove 9 hours to tell my parents face to face. Their surprise at seeing us and joy of hearing our news was also shared by others. A friend gave me a bag of maternity clothes and I added a pillow to my new outfit to show off what I would look like in a few months.

John and I shared our happy news with everyone with ears. I had no fear of losing our baby so there was no reason to wait. The kindness and encouragement of others was very sweet. Everyone did all they could to keep me comfortable with lots of rest and food.

I decided I wouldn't have morning sickness and I never did throw up, but at times I felt very nauseous. Even ice-cream didn't sound good anymore. Pickles on the other hand were always delicious!

My blood pressure has always been low but pregnancy enhanced it. There were days I felt so tired and weak that I didn't have the energy to do anything but rest. John was always a great support and willingly took over my responsibilities when needed. I looked forward to my second trimester when I would have more energy.

I almost made it to my second trimester. The first day of my 10th week began with a phone call from a dear friend. She had been ecstatic when she found out I was pregnant and told me she was hoping to have a baby as well. Now she called to say she was indeed pregnant! I was thrilled for her and we made plans to stay in touch so that we could share the wonder of pregnancy together. Later in the day felt a bit crampy but I figured it was just round ligament pain and dismissed it.

The next few days were hard days. I had some spotting but since some expectant mothers bleed and are fine, I tried to stay optimistic... but there were a lot of unknowns. I went through several phases of worry, grieving, and acceptance. I could accept that despite my concerns everything would be okay but then something would change: deeper cramps or a small gush of blood and I would cry and worry all over again.

Three days after I first felt crampy, Dad called to ask if he and Mom could come see us. They planned to leave early the next day (Saturday), spend Sunday with us and then drive back on Monday. I had so badly wanted them to come but I never asked since traveling is so hard on my Mom. John and I of course said we would love to have them and my parents drove 10 hours to get here.

Shortly after they arrived I had another gush of blood and I knew we were going to lose our baby. I clung to Mom and cried. My cramps became more painful. Around 11:00 that night they settled into waves of intense pain in my lower back and stomach. The waves came every 5 minutes and then every 2 and then there was no break at all. John and Mom took turns pushing on my lower back. Early Sunday morning the pain subsided and I fell asleep.

A few hours later I woke up and ate breakfast. I mentioned how glad I was it was over. I was wrong.

I began to feel crampy again and it quickly settled into the pattern from earlier. Late in the afternoon the pain was very intense and I wasn't getting any break. It felt like a hand was in my uterus, tearing out it's contents. "Oh God, please just let it be over", I prayed. I focused on breathing and picturing the reef my sister told me about. I visualized myself floating in the ocean, gazing at bright colored coral and schools of tropical fish swimming around me.

Almost without my notice, the pain lessened. I got up to use the bathroom and felt our baby slip out. Despite my sadness, I was grateful 11 hours of the deepest physical pain I ever experienced was finally over.

I had planned to have a home birth so though we kept in contact with my midwives, we never planned to go to hospital unless something life-threatening happened.

In an odd way, the physical pain I endured helped me cope. I knew it wasn't just a bad dream. Passing the baby and other tissue helped with my healing. I had tangible evidence I was indeed pregnant and that we lost someone important. John built a tiny pine box and we had a small funeral.

The days and weeks following my miscarriage was filled with lots of tears and sadness, but there was also peace and hope. Friends and family lifted us in prayer and sent notes of condolences. Some even called to say how sorry they were. Their kindness touched us deeply.

The deepest peace came after listening to Lisa Beamer's book: Let's Roll! Lisa experienced the unexpected death of her father when she was a teenager and her husband when she was pregnant with their third child. Through each stage of sadness, God showed her the verses in Romans 11:33-36:

Oh, the depth of riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor?
Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever! Amen.

God gives generously! He gives so much more than we could ever deserve! The pain over our loss is deep, but because Jesus died on the cross, blotting out my sin and offering the Gift of salvation... I know I will be reunited with the life that grew in my womb. I know our baby will never experience sadness or pain because our baby is in a perfect place: heaven. And that gives me hope!

Every Life Created

Every life is precious in God's eyes. From the time of conception, God begins to carefully knit together what will become a full grown baby. But for reasons I cannot explain, there are times when this process is not completed. My own pregnancy ended after 10 weeks on August 9, 2009. The physical and emotional pain I experienced is very deep yet through this dark valley, hope has not disappeared. Through our sadness, I have learned of other women who have also lost a baby through miscarriage. It is with our loss on my heart that I begin this blog. My desire is to share the grief and pain we and others have experienced, but I don't want to end there. I want to focus on ways to heal and discover new ways to live with Hope for the future.

with great expectations ~
Amy